


We Belong

by AngelsDance



Category: Halt and Catch Fire
Genre: Camdonna, Dameron, F/F, Femlash, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, drinking issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-01-22 18:03:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12487640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsDance/pseuds/AngelsDance
Summary: The concept behind the word us was blurry for both of them. They’re supposed to be this great partnership and that’s it, but still, the end of it was more destructive than Donna’s own marriage. Cam swore to herself that nothing would be more painful than losing Mutiny and Donna of course. It was like they had a perfect house that was burnt to the ground and they couldn’t let it go.





	1. Chapter 1

**I - I'm still in love with you**

**On this harvest moon**

  


It was a late friday night at the Symphonic Ventures. Donna was so tired but somehow she always manages to get through her week of being a CEO and a creative engineer. _Things are just so much easier with Cameron around now_ , she thinks to herself, feeling a relief rush through her body. It was almost 1 am when they finally leave Symphonic’s building.

 

“Goodnight, Donna.” Cameron says with a yawn.

 

“Cameron, it’s really late,” she gives one step closer “Don’t you...wanna come over?”

 

“There’s no need. My trailer is right down the street.” Cameron points at the silver airstream

 

“And you’re just going to sleep there? You deserve a real bed.” Donna holds Cam’s left arm and walk her to the car

 

“Okay, but you’ll have to attach my house to your car.” and just like that she hands her keys and smiles at a proud Donna Emerson.

 

“Done and done!” Donna grins, let Cameron get inside her car and walks to the trailer swinging the keys.

 

———

 

When Cameron wakes up in the next day she’s so glad Donna offered her a real bed. It was so smooth and comfy, very different from her own that wasn’t even big enough for her. Every time she went to Donna’s she’d grow sick and sicker from her airstream. _I need something real._ After rushing her hand through her own hair, she gets up to use the nearest bathroom.

 

As she leaves the bathroom and walks down the bright hallway she runs into Haley who blankly stares at her. From tip to toe.  Even Cameron stares at herself. Wearing some of Donna’s old PJs. _Shit._

 

“Oh, no, Haley. It’s not what you’re thinking!” she gestures her hand faster, in denial, trying to make the younger girl listen to her.

 

“That’s okay.” Haley stares at Cam, holds the door and closes it on Cameron’s face

 

“I just slept over!” Cameron stares at a now closed bathroom door.

 

“And I just wanna use the bathroom!” her voice sounds muffled with the distance

 

A smile spreads over Cam’s face and like that she walks downstairs to a Donna cooking breakfast. Donna looks breathtaking at 8 am. _How does she do it all?_

 

“Hey, you! Morning!” Donna hands Cam a plate of bacon and eggs. “I’m so glad you’re here.” and smiles

 

“Yeah, me too,” she sounds melancholic for a moment. “It brought back a lot of memories.” She remembers Texas and everything that went down there. Everything that went _wrong._ Joanie and Haley were just so small. Mutiny was... _Mutiny_. It has been almost 10 years already.

 

“It feels like yesterday. It’s weird.” Cameron shoves bacon inside her mouth to avoid talking too much

 

“Yeah. It does.” And Donna stares, her arms supporting the weight of her body on the kitchen counter, as she starts mouthing something to say she gets interrupted

 

“Mom, I’ll go to a friends house” Haley realizes she just got in the way of _something._

 

“Uh...Okay.” Donna doesn’t know where to stand somehow “Call me when you get there.”

 

“You know I won’t.” Haley smiles and walks to her mother, giving her a hug. “Bye, Mom.” and as she walks to an observant Cameron and she just...passes by with a “See ya, Cam.”

 

“Bye, Haley.” A chewing Cam speaks at the same time that Donna does, creating an unison frequency. Haley just shakes her head and leaves.

 

“What was _that_ about?” Donna senses the tension and walks nearer Cam and sits by her side.

 

“Oh, we had a weird encounter earlier.” Cameron avoids looking at Donna. Hoping the subject of their conversation is done.

 

“Hey, I was thinking if you want...something to drink?” Donna's eyes wander the kitchen area, at one place specifically.

 

“Donna, it’s not even noon.” she furrowed her brow and scoffs

 

“I know it’s just that…” _I don’t know how to react when you’re around the house._ She thinks to herself.

 

“Are you having a hard time?” Cam asks as she looks at the place where Donna was staring seconds before, then back at Donna.

 

“No. Not really. I just have all that wine and… I’m not even- Nevermind. It was a stupid idea anyway.” she gestures with her hand but doesn’t know what to do

 

“You’re not even what?” Cameron spots a rather healthy juice sitting on the kitchen counter.

 

“It’s just...I don’t have any reason to heavily drink anymore. I’m fine. I wish I could just drink like I did years ago, before _everything_. I just want to enjoy a glass of wine without having people worrying too much.” she stops fidgeting

 

“Well, and did you have a reason before?” _is this going well? Can I ask all these questions?_

 

“Cameron Howe, my personal therapist.” they both enjoy a laugh for a while but Donna realizes that Cameron’s question is still in the air. “I guess I was just living in a nightmare somehow.”

 

“And…” That old saying, _go big or go home_ always worked as Cam’s motto.

 

“And I couldn’t deal with you being in town.” _there it is._ She looks carefully at Cam trying to find any sign that she just gave the first step to destroy what they _finally_ have.

 

“Donna, I..." she tries to gesture but it feels like a bomb exploded right above her head and she’s trying to find light in the confusion of her mind.

 

“No, It’s just that I… I couldn’t forgive myself for not forgiving you for being mad at me and kicking me out of the world wide web project. It was all so-” she takes a deep breath.

 

“I’m sorry for that.” Cameron intervenes, not knowing what to do. It’s not like she expected this.

 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. Really.” she speaks with a soft tone, knowing it would help ease Cameron’s mind.

 

“Of course there is. If I caused you any of this it o-” she stiffs her body on the kitchen stool

 

“No, it wasn’t your fault. I couldn’t deal with myself so I just drank. And drank until I’d forget _everything_.” it feels good to just vent to someone _she knows._

 

“I’m glad you’re better.” she confesses

 

“Well, thanks to the police for stopping me.” Donna laughs an ashamed smile.

 

“ _Oh, no.”_ Cameron’s eyes are open wide in shock

 

“Yeah. That happened.” they shake their heads, laughing, with no response at all.

 

“But you still wanna drink sometimes?” her confusion is still there

 

“Yeah, I mean, why not? Just to enjoy myself. I’m fine.” she moves to her couch and drops herself there “We’re fine.“

 

“Why drink when there’s just so many healthy options around?” and Cameron hands her a blackberry and orange juice that was sitting on the counter

 

“ _Ugh.”_ she rolls her eyes but smiles right after and takes a sip of her _amazingly tasteful_ drink then puts it away.

 

“Since we’re being honest I...I think it’s kinda weird that you drank _that much_ because of us.” Cameron pauses waiting for some response but Donna was fidgeting with her fingers.

 

The concept behind the word _us_ was blurry for both of them. They’re supposed to be this great partnership and _that’s it,_ but still, the end of it was more destructive than Donna’s own marriage. Cam swore to herself that nothing would be more painful than losing Mutiny _and Donna_ of course. It was like they had a perfect house that was burnt to the ground and they couldn’t let it go. They’d always remember it as the best moment of their lives. How they felt alive with it’s up and down. It also felt like when you spend too much time enjoying the sea and when you’re finally laying on your bed, you still can feel the waves crashing down on you, the swing, like you never really left. That was their life. Together or away. The main reason why they couldn’t let it go was each other.

 

“Cam, you don’t really wanna talk about it.” Donna protests.

 

“I do. I’ve been trying to since the party.” Cam just focus on Donna like nothing else matters. They are the only ones in this house. In the world, maybe.

 

“It was a part of me, Cam.” Donna abruptly stands up.

 

“Look, I don’t want to fight. That’s the last thing that I want.” Cameron moves on the couch to stare at Donna that now was so far away from her.

 

“What do you want then?” Donna puts her hands on her hips, nervously staring, not liking the way their day is going.

 

“Why are you acting like this? It’s supposed to be a simple question.” she knows which game she’s playing and Donna just _hates it_. “We were supposed to be just partners.” Cam walks to Donna calmly.

 

“Yeah.” She has her left hand on her face. Nervous.

 

“But somehow we always were something more.” Cameron puts both her hands on Donna’s shoulders, keeping her stare, making it impossible for Donna to look away.

 

“Cam.” She stares like a lost puppy who just found it’s family. A bit of shock, confusion, and relief.

 

“Maybe I have always loved you.” _God, it’s so great to finally say it._ “In my own way.” She realizes that there are a few tears almost leaving Donna’s eyes.

 

“And I guess I did it too.” she says those words with a shallow breath then pauses, trying to process everything, “But Cam-”  Donna tries to get out of Cameron’s sight, trying to move her shoulders, unsuccessful.

 

“Everything you did back then was for my best. I’m sorry I didn’t see that.” Cameron has one hand drawing Donna’s jaw, slowly with her thumb. “We don’t need to hold onto the past, Donna.”

 

The tears that once was forming finally leaves Donna’s eyes. And they move closer. Not being able to stop the magnets that they are. Cameron wipes Donna’s tears away. When their lips meet it’s like a Supernova was forming. The softest thing Donna has ever felt. The most beautiful thing Cameron has seen. Nothing would ever compare. The hunger, the need, the pain, the freedom of that kiss. An event that they would always remember.

 

Donna grips Cameron’s hip and they stumble down on some furniture. A soft _ouch_ escapes Cam’s mouth and Donna replies with an even softer _sorry_ followed with a laugh. _Why did it take me so long?_ It’s the only question they both have in their minds.

 

“Let’s go to my room.” Donna suggests in a husky whisper, even though Cameron intention already was to move themselves to the stairs.

 

They rush to the stairs, not breaking their contact for a brief second. Almost 10 years lost. Wasted in a dead marriage or in a few broken men. All that years they spent apart, longing for each other. Each other comfort, touch, voice, stares. Everything they’ve been dying for. Everything that was buried. The world is theirs now.

 

Once they get into the room, they don’t need to find a way to love each other. It’s a no-brainer. Like they were old lovers that have met once again. It was natural. They knew how to please, how to make the other lose absolute control of everything they were. To seek for freedom and achieve it. To reach for the skies and grasp it. To hold onto the universe’s keys and open the imaginary door that was now, real. Their chemistry was just inherent. There was nothing they could do to stop themselves. Maybe that was what real love was supposed to be. Free.

 

———


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh, guys, sorry for the delay. ive been really busy studying and didnt have time to study. but here it is. it's a bit short but 100% soft. the next should be longer.  
> i hope you enjoy it :)

**II - This must be the day that all of my dreams come true**

**So happy just to be alive**

**Underneath the sky of blue**

  
  


None of them were sure if they had drifted to a fast sleep or if they were just dreaming with their eyes open They spent the last 10 minutes or so just taking in each others presence. Hands running down the mess of their hair and bodies. Laughing. No conversation at all. They were just in an ecstatic happiness, pure joy running through their veins.

 

“So…” Donna starts but gives up, because Cam is  _ right there _ laying on her not-empty-bed with her blue eyes captivated on Donna’s, and kisses her. A still deep kiss. A  _ I’m so happy you’re here that I don’t know what to with myself but kiss you  _ kind of kiss. 

 

She already loves how Cam has her fingertips running on her curves. From her shoulders to the end of her spine, causing shivers all over.

 

“Hey, I’m starving.” she brushes her hand through Cam’s dark hair while supports her body weight using the elbow.  _ It’s so soft. _

 

“Hm. The idea of food is really pleasant right now.” Cameron now runs her thumb on Donna’s fleshy lips.

 

“Meet me down stairs. I’ll see what I can do.” Donna plants another kiss on Cameron. Not wanting to leave the bed but her stomach says otherwise. 

 

She finds the strength to pull away from Cam’s magnetic field and grabs any shorts she can find and Cameron’s  _ “Lad and Lassie”  _ ripped shirt that was hidden inside her old pjs that Cameron borrowed for the sleepover.

 

“Hey! What should I wear now?” she stares

 

“I’m sure you can find something. You’re very... _ crafty.”  _ Donna laughs and protects herself from the flying pillow that Cameron just threw in her direction;

 

Cameron sits up holding the sheets against her naked body, and opens Donna’s closet.

 

“Jesus, she’s such a business woman.” and goes through  _ a hell of suits _ until she finds Donna’s old navy sweater and the memories of them hanging out at the bar just flushes her mind. She gets lost in Donna’s sent for a while until her hunger reminds her of the real world.  _ The better version of the world. _

  
  


———

 

Donna finishes her order as she hears  _ something  _ at the main door.

 

“Oh no. Its early. Is it early?” she checks the clock. It’s 1 pm.  _ Shit.  _ She hears Cameron stepping down the stairs and tries to warn Cameron but it’s too late, she’s already here. Going in for a kiss, placing her hands on Donna’s hips.

 

“Well, Hi,  _ mothers. _ ” Joanie drops her bags onto the floor. They both stare at Joanie and to a red-faced Haley behind her. They’d both laugh at the contrast of Joanie and Haley’s reaction if they weren’t living a sort of nightmare right now.

 

“It...It  _ is _ what I’m thinking now. Right?” Haley stares at Cameron wearing her mother’s clothes  _ again _ but it felt different since her mom was also wearing one of Cameron’s memorable shirts.

 

Donna just laughs a forced laughter, stares at Cam and puts her left hand on the counter, not moving. When Cam moves to stand behind her, as if she was hiding, her hand, once placed on Donna’s hip, was long removed.

 

“Oh, God.” she mumbles softly and places her head on Donna’s back.

 

_ Fuck, they’re cute.  _ Joanie thinks to herself and says “I missed you too, Mom!” walking towards them as Haley just shrugs and closes the main door.

 

———


	3. Chapter 3

**III - You make loving fun,  
** **And I don't have to tell you but you're the only one.**

 

It has been 3 months since they were honest with each other and since then, life couldn’t be any better. They were as synchronized at work as ever. Cameron had to move in since her airstream was pretty much abandoned and she couldn’t — or wouldn’t — stay away from _her girlfriend_ . Donna and the girls helped her pack into the house. It was messy for a while. Boxes everywhere. But no one seemed to care. They all loved Cam. Donna in special but Joanie was _so pumped._ Everything was perfect with the girls. Haley had to adapt with the idea of her mother dating another woman. _Too many lesbians in this house._ She once said at a family dinner. _Hey, bisexuals, too!_ And Joanie corrected her sister.

They made a promise that they wouldn’t bring work to home but that rule was broken a couple of times. Also, it was great hearing Joanie and Haley’s opinion. But if things got rough they had created another rule, they’d blurt out _Mutiny_ whenever it was needed, so they would take a break, take a deep breath and talk it out. It was efficient. Very rarely they would just drive by the Mutiny’s old building to take in everything that happened, and what they should do to make sure they wouldn’t go through the same path again.

Donna feels so fulfilled like never before. Family, friends, are all proud of her and Cam. Bos looked at them like a proud father. Cameron felt a weight being lift off her shoulders since the day they kissed. As if that kiss started a closure in both of their lives, the sequence of events was unbelievable. Joe called Haley weeks later and Cameron picked up, he didn’t say anything but what was needed, he was smart enough to get it. _I want to speak with Haley, please._ and Haley came running to the phone when Cam told her. Donna got worried for a second then Cameron just walked to her and shrugged:

“I love you.” Cam said before going in for a heartfelt kiss, “So much.” she completed, looking at Donna’s olive eyes and then lips.

“I love you, too.” Donna said fixing Cameron’s hair. “I can’t even find the words.” she laughs feeling like a teen all over again.

“ _Urgh, you guys!”_ Haley rolls her eyes with a smile and goes to her room with the telephone in hand.

On their six month anniversary, they planned to visit Cameron’s mom. At first, Cam was just upset that Donna would rather take a plane instead of a road trip.

“But that would be such an adventure.” Cameron says as she gets comfy on _her_ bed.

“Yeah but that would also be a waste of time.” she sits on the bed, with her back turned to Cameron, “We could be at Florida in 7 hours instead of spending, at least, 2 days driving like hell.” Donna reasons, as usual.

“I hate it when you’re right.” Cam grabs the body lotion that Donna handed her and rubs the cream on Donna’s extra softbacks taking her time and getting lost contemplating the galaxy of Donna’s freckles.

“Also, we can make a great use of the not-wasted-time-driving-Florida, you know?” Donna lowers her head, stretching her muscles, letting Cameron’s hands work.

“Yeah?” Cameron bits her lips while massaging the knots out of Donna’s back.

“Hmm. That’s great, babe.” Donna moans in a low voice, enough to make Cameron more enthusiastic with the massage, “We could go on a roadtrip around here. We could go to Monterey.”

Cam adds more pressure “Yeah?” her torso is closer to Donna now, almost radiating heat.

“Hmm, that’s the right place.” she takes a deep breath, trying to remember whatever plans she was making, “And then Big Sur. Maybe Malibu. And wherever the wind takes us.”

“I think Malibu would take too long for us to come back home.” she breaths down Donna’s neck.

“The girls will be fine.” her skin breaks in goosebumps, “And If you’re worried about work, I’m the boss.” Donna turns her face, trying to look at Cameron not hiding the smirk on her face.

“I like how it sounds.” Cam applies more body lotion, on Donna’s legs now. “And I bet my mom will love you.”

“I still find it creepy that you use your father’s name though. Inappropriate in _so many ways._ ” Donna laughs moving her feets, letting Cameron knows where she wants her.

“Donna…” her voice of disapproval is so hilarious to Donna now

“Oh, _Catherine,_ don’t be mad.” she laughs, using her elbow to support her now laid body, and says “I love your name. Both of them.” she wishfully stares at Cameron, looking for some reaction, “I love everything about you.”

Something clicks inside Cameron’s head. She remembers her father’s voice calling out her name, how she would listen to her parents' conversation. She remembers how her father wouldn’t shut up about her mother’s green eyes, he’d always gush about it. He gave Cameron his blue eyes, and she found a green-eyed woman to adore. Just like her father adored her mother. When she comes out of her trance she realizes Donna’s worried face since she must have stopped the massage.

“Cam, is everything ok? I’m sorry If I-” Cameron jumps in Donna’s skin, spreading a bit of lotion over Donna’s jaw, hair and ear when her hands reaches Donna’s face to give her an intense kiss, like the world was about to end. When their faces are distant enough for Cam to look at Donna, she opens her mouth:

“Your eyes are beautiful.” Maybe it’s a compliment that she has never said out loud but it’s something she always thought. _I remember the first time I met you...a perfect businesswoman with big judging eyes._

People say the eyes are the window of the soul. And Donna’s soul is overflowing love for the blue-eyed girl, inches apart.

“Thank you.” she grins and absorbs Cameron’s being on top of her own. Cam stares with such glowy eyes. Their heart beating happily.

And they kiss because they shouldn’t waste much time thinking if they will sleep their beauty sleep or not. It doesn’t matter. They matter. This need of telling how much they adore each other for no reason at all. This essence. None of them thought they’d be this in love and let alone _be_ this loved.

 _“God, you’re beautiful.”_ Donna says as she takes off Cameron’s shirt, throwing it somewhere in their room.

“I love you, Donna.” she says as pulling closer, opening Donna’s bra, throwing it away. She wraps her long arms around Donna’s body, laying Donna’s head onto the pillow and kissing her. Lips, jaw, earlobe, neck, chest. So slowly. So carefully. Making sure every inch of Donna’s is being loved, that’s exactly what she deserves, after all those years. She’s sure every part of herself is loved by Donna. Every second of the day. And so it’ll be. Until the end of the world. Nothing else matter. Love is no longer a burden. And even if it is, it’s equally shared and delighted. This is _real_. They are here and it’s everything they could only have dreamed of.

 

_“You’ve got a lot of love in you. More than anybody I ever met. It’s bursting out of you. You take in the world in these big gulps and you can’t help but to let yourself get drowned in it. It overwhelms you and makes you live like you’re ready to explode at any minute. They don’t see it. I do. It’s a burden you carry.”_

 

_———_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i guess thats the best one yet. but dont mind me tho im wasted.
> 
> come chat w me at ananobrain.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

 

**IV - Whenever I'm alone with you**

**You make me feel like I am home again**

**Whenever I'm alone with you**

**You make me feel like I am whole again**

 

As they come back from Florida, they hit the road. It’s refreshing for Cam. This feeling of closure she had with her mother after all those years. It’s like her mother hasn’t aged much. Sandy is still pretty much the same. Piercing green eyes and an  _ I-know-better _ smile. She kind of reminds Donna of Cameron. Maybe it’s the expressive face or the way she carries herself.

During this part of the trip, Cameron was behind the wheel. After their first stop, they’d change seats. Before getting to the nearest gas station, Cameron asks.

“Did you like my mom?” she says like it’s nothing. It should be. She spent decades without speaking to her mother but maybe now she likes her own mother again.

“Of course I did. She told me all those embarrassing stories about you. I loved every second of it.” Donna jokes and puts her hand on Cameron’s leg, knowing she’s tense still.

“I still think she didn’t need to show you my childhood pictures.” Cameron gets flustered just remembering Donna’s laugh when she saw a 4 years old Catherine with her face full of chocolate cake.

“I feel like I know more about you now. She said you have always been a curious kid with a sharp mind.” Cameron stares at Donna and says a soft  _ yeah,  _ “Also, you really look like your father. He seemed like a great guy.” she says those words ever so softly, not wanting to turn Cameron’s grin upside down.

“Yeah, he was. I’m glad we went there.” Cam puts her hand on top of Donna’s.

“Me too.” Donna says with a satisfied grin.

———

Donna didn’t think it would happen the way it did. She wasn’t even sure she wanted that. She knew if that would happen with anyone, it’d be with Cameron. Her  _ last _ and  _ best partner. _ They were headed to Big Sur and she was capturing every nice landscape they could find. She even convinced Cameron to take the longest way so they could drive through Santa Cruz. She wouldn’t put down her Polaroid 636 Close-Up.  _ Look, Cam, they can make all these perfects double exposures. Who needs Photoshop? _

They drove for hours until the thought hits her again. As they were listening to the radio that was playing some of the best songs of the last decades like Talking Heads, Sonic Youth, Black Flags, The Cure, things that Cam enjoyed, things that Donna did, but in the end, they could sing along to most songs. When  _ We Belong _ played, she could do nothing about the memories she had. That night, singing her heart out while having a drunk break down thinking about everything she had and lost with Cameron. The fear that she felt of having to see her again, even though that was she wanted the most. It was an irrational fear. But she snapped back into reality when Cameron started singing the chorus enthusiastically. It’s not the type of song that she hoped that Cam’d know the lyrics to.  _ Maybe she just sang after hearing the chorus for the first time _ . Cameron would just make her laugh at the most simple things.

“Wow. I didn’t know you liked this song.” Donna says, still taken aback. 

“It’s not the type of song I want people to know that I listen to.” Cam says with a soft smile.

“You always tries so hard to be tough.” she shakes her head

“What do you mean by  _ I try _ ? I am!”  she turns up the radio, just enough to make Donna cringe at it.  _ It’s too loud! _ She’d try to yell at a Cameron that was too busy singing the chorus once more just to annoy her girlfriend. When Donna gets in the control of the radio player, she turns down the volume.

“You’re such a punk.” she rolls her eyes

“I told ya.” Cam shrugs and smiles at the sight of Donna.

They probably did look like teenagers, they felt like teens too. 

When it starts playing the intro, Donna recognizes it immediately. How could she not? The song that played right before her speech at  _ that _ party. The party that changed everything. That had many events that made Cameron stay. When  _ Harvest Moon _ started, she felt shivers all over, she looked at Cameron and didn’t waste any second to snap a picture of Cam lovingly looking at her.  _ Maybe she remembers that moment, too _ she thought to herself. 

“This song is beautiful, isn’t it?” She looked at Cameron once more.

“Yeah, Neil is great.” Cameron pushes the button that makes the top of their convertible fold, the wind striking her hair, she feels the breeze.

He sings Donna’s favorite part  _ When we were strangers I watched you from afar. When we were lovers I loved you with all my heart. _ She decides that’s the right moment. So, she takes a deep breath and gets ready.

“Hey, Cam?” Cameron comes back from her trance, still holding the wheel with just her right hand and the left one is fixing her own hair, then looks at Donna.

“Hi.”  _ Jesus, she looks so beautiful and...unaware.  _

“I have a crazy question.” Cam’s head is shifting between the road and Donna. While Donna’s mind rushes faster than this car ever would.

“No, I don’t want a dog. I can’t even take care of a plant.” The seriousness of her tone gradually fades. Maybe that’s not the greatest thing Donna’d like to hear right now but she shakes it off with a laugh.

“It’s not about a dog.” her mouth is suddenly dry, she has trouble gulping down a few salivas. “It doesn’t have to change anything at all but I was just wondering.” She breaks her gaze and looks at her own camera or anywhere but Cam’s face. “Would you, perhaps, marry me?” She turns back to Cameron with a shrug and a nervous laugh. When the question echoes in Cam’s head, she turns her head to Donna, her face distorted in confusion. She hits the breaks abruptly and leaves the car.  _ Oh, shit. _

Cameron stands two feets away from the car. Her hands on her hips, back turned at Donna. None of them moves. Cameron turns to Donna with this half smile that she cannot really read, not knowing if Cam’s just _  so-caught-off-guard-and-wants-to-let-me-down-easy _ kind of smile or a genuinely happy one. It doesn’t last long. This up and down just makes Donna’s stomach sick.

“Are you sure?” she keeps the confuse expression around her face.

“I am if you are.” Probably not what she should say but how to invalidate her fear right now? “I mean, I don’t want to pressure you t-” she’s interrupted by Cameron Howe moving, very slowly, to her direction.

“Fuck, Donna.” she hears Cam’s from afar, walking towards her. She stands now inches apart from Donna. The tension feels almost unbearable. Cameron touches Donna’s cheek so softly it inflicts a nervous goosebump like her fingertips could cut her skin. 

“It’s just a yes or no, Cam.”  _ Just, please, put me out of my misery _ , she thinks to herself _. _ Cameron stares, not blinking. She takes a deep breath. 

“Of course I want to marry you!” Donna looks at her with such a relief and embraces her. Cam’s body gently moves Donna’s body towards the car hood. In return, Donna lays down there, pushing Cam towards her, tugging Cam's shirt.

They kiss each other with so much joy and passion it makes something twist inside Donna’s gut. Maybe this is it. If she could choose a moment to remember, that’d probably it. She has many great memories now so If that’s how forever could be, she’d be happy to live it. With Cameron. Her best partner — either a business or romantic one —, her girlfriend, her  _ wife. _

“I can’t believe you said yes.” Donna finally lets that relief rush through her bones

“How could I say no?” they kiss once more and exchange their  _ I love you _ many times between kisses

 

A moving car passes by, the driver screams something at them. It gets impossible to hear anything when your head is buzzing with excitement and you’re just swept off your feet. Still, Cameron breaks the kiss and gives the driver the side eye until he’s far enough and she finally yells “ _ Fuck off, asshole!”  _

Donna grins and bites her lower lip at the sight of Cameron angry at someone. It’s always something else when Cam’s punk roots come to the surface. It drives her insane.

“We need to go somewhere else.” Cam understand what she means, and nods.

“But first, let me use your camera.” so Cameron, obviously, decides to take a picture to eternity. It’s her turn now. She asks Donna to pose to her, Donna didn’t have to. She just stared and grinned. A polaroid captured Donna’s darkening eye, filled with lust and desire.

“I wish I had a ring to give you.” Donna says as she looks at the picture.

“You gave me more than any ring could ever stand for, Donna.” Her voice is hoarse and  _ God _ it drives Donna crazy when Cameron speaks to her like that, with such passion and a determination she could only ever see in movies. Cameron writes  _ she proposed!  _ on Donna’s picture and handed her the polaroid so Donna’d take a picture of her, once again, and then write  _ she said yes! ♥   _ on Cam’s pic. 

The picture they took together, with Donna’s hands around Cam’s neck, Cameron’s eyes staring at the camera with a giant smile on her face, Donna kissing her cheek, had a blank space under because they had to figure out what would be their names now, would they change their surnames completely or would they just put their names together, and in which order would it be? But that question is meant for the future and right now they were just looking for a Hotel to crash. Big Sur can wait. Even with a promise in hands, they cannot wait to spend every second of their forever together.

———

They spend months thinking if they should have a big wedding since Cam never really had a proper one or If they should just get married at the City Hall. Cameron never saw herself in a dress and Donna still kept her wedding dress. After a while, they finally decided. City Hall then dinner. Easy.

“What should I wear? Do I have to wear a dress or?” Cameron worries because she doesn’t want to get married looking like she just wakes up but she also doesn’t like the idea of having to wear something she doesn’t like. It’s all about comfort.

“Wear something nice. Comfortable and nice. But it can’t be a t-shirt and ragged jeans.” Donna mocks.

“What will you wear?” Cameron gets closer, stepping into their bedroom.

“It’s a secret.” she playfully pushes Cam away and goes to the bathroom

“I’m definitely screwed.” Cameron throws herself on the bed, her body moving up and down.

“If everything goes south we can say we were doing a remake of Kurt and Courtney’s marriage.” Donna comes back and leans at the threshold.

“That’d be cool.” a hint of irony coming from Cameron’s mouth.

———

The line at the City Hall was probably the longest line of their life. Cameron had been there with Joanie for 15 minutes until Donna arrived with Haley. They wanted it simple. Just the right amount of people along with them. As eyewitness and  _ family _ . The rest would come after at dinner, with Bos and Diane. Donna’s parents, Cam’s mom. Co-workers. They invited Lev, Carl, Bodie, and WonderBoy. Even Joe was invited. Still, there was no confirmation that they would all appear after all those years.  _ It probably would be weird, right?  _

Cameron’s reaction seeing Donna was usual. When Joanie saw her mother, she turned Cameron around so she wouldn’t see her mother before the right moment. Easy to say that it just made Cam more anxious until she relaxed with the sight of her  _ soon-to-be-wife _ . At first, she froze, trying to find the words. Donna was a vision. She wasn’t wearing a wedding dress, but a beautiful white dress. It was long, almost touching the floor. It was a rather simple, sleeveless and tight dress, showing her curves. 

“ _ God.”  _ she eyes Donna head-to-toe, “you’re so...gorgeous.” Joanie and Haley are both kind of embarrassed by Cameron’s loss of words. They say something in muted voice but nothing too important.

“Thank you.” Donna looks down smiling, probably blushing. “You look great, too.”  she strokes her hand down Cam’s fabric.

“I’m glad I picked this suit but I still feel a little below dress code.” She was wearing a grey suit, a little bit large for her slim body, but it wasn’t too obvious. Underneath, a white social shirt that have been at the bottom of her closet for years — maybe she bought it in Tokyo — waiting for the right moment. A black trouser, just because colors combining was  _ kinda boring _ and a brand new… combat boots. It was still Cameron after all. They hold hands and wait for their time to come.

———

“Speech!” Joanie starts “Speech!” Haley follows. “Speech” Bos and Diane chants, Lev and Carl follow. Donna stares at a nervous Cameron and for her surprise, Cam gets up with a champagne glass in hands and straightens her shirt.

“Okay.” she clears her throat. “I have never been great with words, as you know.” she stares at the 7 people crowd as they laugh, looks down and stares at them. “Well, speeches have always been Donna’s thing. She always captivated anyone that could hear, always knew what to say, and I always hated talking in public, I still feel pretty uncomfortable but today...today I…” she stares at Donna to realign her thoughts, she smiles and holds her hand. 

“Nothing that I say will ever compare with what I feel, and she knows it. I changed a hundred times since we met, and I will never stop changing. None of us here will. The future has always been this mysterious door that we have no idea what we will see when we open it. And...I always wanted to be a part of the future. Always wanted to build something that people would fall in love with. I guess that I’ve accomplished that and more importantly, I built something that  _ I  _ fell in love with, and I’m not talking about tech only. I never imagined this. This bond. This...commitment to one another. This joy. So, If you ask me what I expect from the future, I’d say  _ this _ . I want to feel this burst of love inside my chest until I’m no longer a person. I want to be around  _ you, _ Donna, during the whole future. The future that is not mysterious or  _ scary _ anymore because it doesn’t matter how long it’ll pass, I have this feeling that tech will always change and combust, but,  _ this, _ our love won’t.” she realises that her eyes are sort of wet and that Donna have been crying for a few seconds now, and so did a few people in the room. She’s not really sure for how long she have been talking, or If she made any sense at all. “So, cheers to us, the future.” The whole room raises their glasses and say  _ Cheers! _ And drink whatever they had in their cups.

She sits back down on her chair and Donna leans in to kiss her, cupping her cheek and murmurs  _ I’m so happy.  _ Cam nods with a smile and whispers  _ Me too _ . They all stare at Donna, expecting her to say more few words to make everyone cry harder than they already did. As she feels all those waiting eyes on her, she clears her throat. 

“I don’t think I have anything better to add.” And for the first time, Cameron had all the right words that Donna couldn’t find.

The evening goes by in a blink of an eye. Donna’s mother-in-law calls, saying how sorry she is for not being able to be there and how happy she feels for both of them, wishing them all the best. Joanie keeps teasing Cameron, calling her “mom”, getting in her skin. It was never what Cam wanted to be or to hear. There’s nothing to be discussed. Cameron will never be a mom. Maybe even a  _ cool aunt. _ She is sure she’s just a friend. A weird friend that sleeps with their mom and live under their roof too but that’s okay. She feels responsible for them, as she would for any friend. And that was it. Cameron always had a certain difficulty making connections, but she lived with them for months before, and now again. Everything important in her life is connected and thriving.

———

The dinner had ended, the girls were in their room, Joannie listening to music and reading  _ The Cinema of Cruelty _ wrote by André Bazin. Haley was trying to create her first game that she said she was  _ just doing it for fun _ but still getting super pissed when it didn’t turn out the way she wanted. She wouldn’t ask Cam for help because  _ it wouldn’t be fair _ so she’d just read tons of books about gaming while at it.

“Can you believe that we’re married? You and I. Married.” Cameron closes the tap to stop the running water and dries her hand with a dishtowel.

“I can actually. But years ago, I would have never thought of it.” Donna finishes drying the dishes.

“I’m so glad we both stopped being dicks with each other.”  both hands supporting the weight of her shoulders at the kitchen counter, watching Donna folding the dishtowels. Donna nods her head, smiling and says  _ Me too. _

“So, how are we going to spend our honeymoon,” Cameron stops smiling and makes a frown “since tomorrow we have work to do?” she rolls her eyes.

“Cam, it is a  _ really _ important meeting. We’ll trace the future of Phoenix tomorrow. Aren’t you excited?” she says beaming with joy. Phoenix is doing so well, it’s amazing to see how far they’ve come.

“I’m excited about other things.” Cameron places both hands at Donna’s waistline. Pushing her towards herself.

“I know you are.” she leans in for a kiss and leaves Cam waiting until she opens her eyes to see Donna grinning and climbing the stairs.

When they get in the room, time seems to freeze. Reality still feels like a dream. Their bodies both dance with the touch of each other.

“Close the door behind you.” Donna says, “the girls are still awake.” after Cam locks it, Donna pushes her by her shirt. Kissing her with fervor. Cameron loves it when Donna takes control, she’s pushed to the bed. A shameless smile crosses her face as Donna climbs to the bed and straddles Cam with both of her knees touching the exterior of Cam’s hips.

Donna takes off her own pink shirt she wore at the Dinner and starts unbuttoning Cam’s.

“I like your honeymoon plan.” Cam says helping Donna out with the buttons.

She finally opens Cam’s shirt, having access to her torso and kisses her passionately. “You haven’t see the best part yet.” and smirks wicked and sensual smirk. From Cam’s lips, Donna starts trailing down.

———

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey g u y s  
> im sorry for taking so long. things have been tough at home and at uni but i'll try to upload the rest as soon as possible maybe it'll be day-in, day-out. 
> 
> i hope you can enjoy it.


	5. Chapter 5

 

 **V - With you I wait** **  
** **To be born again** **  
** **With love comes the day** **  
** **Just hold on to me**

 

They usually celebrate their anniversary by going to a road trip to anywhere. Somewhere far or near, it didn’t really matter where, they’d just hit the road. Their 5th month anniversary wasn’t going to be different. But Donna woke up with an headache after the night she just had. She goes downstairs to a Haley watching cartoons and to a Cameron trying to make a breakfast that wasn’t a completely disaster. Some days she just gives up and makes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

 

Cameron hugs a still sleepy Donna and gives her a kiss on the top of her head and hands her a _nice looking_ waffles and orange juice. They both sit around Haley to watch tv.

 

“It’s really good, babe.” Donna says after chewing her first bite.

 

“She’s getting better at this, isn’t she?” Haley intervenes before Cam could say anything.

 

“Thanks. Both of you.” she laughs at herself for being so happy about such a simple thing. “I try my best.” she lowers her head as if she was bowing down to them, or to herself. It’s a habit she learnt in Tokyo and sometimes it comes back in a blink of an eye.

 

When the weather news cuts through the X-Men episode and pops up with an alert, Donna gets worried immediately. She has seen that somewhere. When she hears what the journalist has to say, she gets up abruptly, leaving both Haley and Cam behind.

 

“Donna? What’s wrong?” Cameron says from the couch

 

“Mom?” Haley gets up, too but Cameron says she’ll handle it.

 

“Do you think she reacted like that because it’s the anniversary today?” Haley says as Cameron is almost at the stairs.

 

“I have no idea.” She says taking the first step to the second floor and leaving a worried Haley behind.

 

———

 

Donna's sitting on the edge of her bed. Her eyes fixed on the wall, her foot touching the hardwood floor. Cameron gets in the room and sees Donna. Unmoved. She walks smoothly, not wanting to scare her.  
  
“Hey, Donna”. Cameron kneels near her, she stays right in front of her. Her hands near Donna's hips but not touching it. "Is everything okay?" Donna doesn’t think when she opens both her legs just to let Cameron closer. She doesn't think at all.   
  
"I'm scared, Cam." Donna says still staring at the wall like there isn't a big window with a beautiful view that also is there in the wall she stares at. It's like the world isn't out there. Just ciment.   
  
Cameron runs both her hands up and down Donna's legs, trying to calm her down a bit. "What are you scared of?" She kisses gently her legs   
  
"I see this tornado everytime I go to sleep after a long day. It destroys everything and I just stand there." She holds her breath trying not to break down. Her voice is shaky. "It's so terrible I...I see everything and everyone that I love, die. I'm the only survivor in a wasteland." She stares at Cam now both of them with sad glowy eyes   
  
"How long have you been having those dreams?" Cameron's torso is no longer curved, straighten her back to stare at Donna more cautiously and close.   
  
"I guess since apple tried to buy Phoenix," she gulps "god, when they tried to buy Symphonic the dream was so vivid," her hands hiding her face "I feel like a fool."   
  
"Hey, you're not. Don't say that." Cameron's hands are back where they were in the beginning of the conversation, not touching Donna. "Why didn't you tell me before?"   
  
"I thought it was nothing, you know? I didn't want to scare you with my stupid dream." Eyes on the wall.

 

"The weather news scared you." Cameron kisses Donna's thighs with no intention at all.  
  
"Cam, don-" Donna tries to say she’s too tired but Cameron _knows_ and she sits with her on the edge of their bed. Her torso directed to Donna. Right hand behind her and left hand on Donna's left knee.   
  
"Look at me." Cameron's blue eyes aching to see Donna's green ones. Longing for a connection. Donna turns her head around, they eyes meet. "It's gonna be alright. Okay?" Cameron gets closer, Donna shuts her eyes. "I'm right here. Your nightmare is just a nightmare. I'm here. Haley’s downstairs. We’re all fine. It’s fine." She cups the back of Donna's neck, there's no distance between them, their forehead touching. She feels a tear escaping and making Donna's cheek wet. She stares at Donna's pressed eyes. She presses them so hard, Cameron wonders what Donna is trying to erase from the back of her mind.   


Well, she closes her eyes trying not to picture Cameron begging for help, with the big blue eyes staring at Donna with horror, her hand up high wanting Donna to pull her back and just _save_ her. But she can’t reach her hand. Donna’s pool turns into one big wave, taking her and Joanie by surprise. Joanie tries to hold onto her mother but the flow is too strong, she gets swallowed by it. She runs around her house, that turns into some San Jose’s street but she doesn’t really know which one. Water up to her knees. When she looks at it again, the water looks red. And she sees Haley. Haley doesn’t have her right arm anymore. Probably destroyed by something. Her face was covered in bruises. She saw Haley’s body floating. In a second, Cam’s cold body is walking towards her. Her eyes still looked alive.

 

“You betrayed me again, Donna.” and cups her cheeks “You threw everything away. Now you’ll lose everything.”

 

Then they were all together. Cam, Joanie, and Haley. All of them looked dead already but still begging for help. Donna always tried to run towards them but they seemed so further away, so she never really helped them. She loses them again. She closes her eyes trying to remember them. Alive. Tries to erase the water and trades it for the sun. Tries to erase their lifeless bodies and her death scene pool, trading that scenario for one with all of them enjoying the end of the day playing by the pool, listening to some music. Happy.

 

"I'm so scared of losin-" she breaks down and her voice is breaking too, hands covering her face.

  
"The company will be fine. We will figure this out. They won't buy us. They won't chew us out, Donna. We have exactly what they never dreamed of doing. We are the big ones and If th-" as Cameron says those words as an attempt of getting Donna to open her eyes, she's interrupted by them. And her voice still cracks but it’s more calculated now.   
  
"You." Donna opens her eyes. "I'm afraid of losing you, Cam." Now they can just stare at each other. None of them knowing much what to say. Donna looks...so intense while Cameron tries to find the right words.   
  
"Well, I get afraid of losing you too." She nods and bites her lips. "You're not gonna lose me, Donna. Never again." She shakes her head.

 

"Are you sure?" Donna says while a few flashbacks of her nightmare crosses her mind but now she doesn't stop looking at Cameron.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure. And you have to believe me now. That's an order." Cameron says the last words in a light tone   
  
"Why?" Donna allows the light to get in. She always tries.   
  
"Because you're my wife now, Ms. Emerson-Howe." Cameron looks at Donna's lips, waiting for a smile to come to surface. When it appears, she kisses her. A clumsy kiss but it's full of relief.   
  
When they break apart Donna rolls her eyes, "You're so annoying sometimes." and laughs.   
  
"Of course I am. You turned me into a mushy fluffy person. Sometimes even I hate that." Cameron swings her head around trying to look... _silly_ . If that makes Donna happy, she gets happy. “I even listen to cheesy songs now."   
  
"There aren't many punk songs about love." Donna jokes as they sit on the edge of the bed, body directed at each other. “But you always were adorable when you let people see you.”   
  
"You know that." Cameron tucks a strand of strawberry blonde hair behind Donna’s ear. “I always wanted you to be the person I could be vulnerable with.” The stay staring at each other in silence for brief moments. A lightning strikes the sky.   
  
"You've changed." Her voice cuts the silence with a cold tone and her expression is back to nervousness. "Do you like the person you've become?" Donna stares and waits. Hoping Cameron won't be somehow insulted by the question.   
  
"Yeah. I finally feel at ease.” Cameron doesn't flinch a bit. “Like I've been lost all those years and now I achieved what I always wanted. I feel like I belong." She hears a thunder somewhere. Maybe that's why Donna looked so worried and asked her the question.   
  
"God, you were such a rebel." Donna breaks the stare a couple of times, fidgeting her fingers. "A rebel genius." She smiles softly and Cameron does too. "Now you're a... You're the calm before the rain. Or the calm after the storm, I don't know." Her nails are scraping her own fingers.   
  
"Hey, don't." Cameron holds her hands and moves closer.   
  
"But you are. And you're everything. Not much of a rebel sometimes but it's still there somewhere. Sometimes I get a glimpse of her." _God, what am I even trying to say?_ "The nicest genius out there." Donna feels drunk even though she hasn't drunk since before Gordon’s death. Her thoughts are cloudy. Maybe she just needs sleep. A good night sleep. Without nightmares.   
  
"And do you like me like this?" Cameron trails Donna's cheeks and jaw   
  
"Yeah, of course. I love every part of you." Doesn’t matter how confuse and cloudy Donna’s mind can be. That’s her rock. That part she is certain. Her love for Cameron will never be a question nor a dream inside her head. It’s here. She can feel it, smell and touch it.

 

"I think you're the one who changed the most." Cameron contemplates Donna's ethereal beauty.   
  
"You know what they say. Not every woman can go to housewife from head of company without losing friends on the way." her voice sounds uncertain and uneven   
  
"You can do it all, Donna. You do what anyone has to do. But you're smarter than most. You’re the genius, too." She just wants to Donna believe in herself tonight. She can't even begin to imagine the nightmares but she knows it did shake Donna's whole being.   
  
"I was a terrible mother." Donna holds her own hand now, trying to hold herself up.   
  
"Of course not. Joanie is in France taking pictures of the world right now. And Haley... I don't even have a word for her. She has the best part of you and Gordon." Cameron's heartache seeing Donna so lost. She herself had been there in the dark. With no one to guide her, and tell her everything will be fine. Joe never cared much about how lost she was. He just guessed she would make it on her own somehow and if she was stuck, he would be there physically. He’s everything the occasion needs him to be but he was never a shoulder to cry on. "Somehow I even see a bit of myself shining through her. Same thing with Joanie. She reminds me of my punk phase but she's also so...smart and centered. Just like you." Donna hears Joanie's voice in the back of her head saying _I think that maybe you and I are actually pretty similar. Maybe that’s why we used to fight all the time, you know?_ and lets herself cry on Cam’s shoulder.

Haley walks down the hallway to check if everything was okay. The door was halfway open, but she didn’t look. She didn’t want to see her mom like that. However, she was emotionally drained. She thanks the universe for having Cameron around. She has seen her mom’s ups and downs for years and years, until she felt like screaming internally inside her own head. Pain was everywhere inside her body and all around. She listens to a soft cry coming from her mom and then a _I’m right here_ coming from Cameron. Feeling better she goes downstairs to her room quietly.

 

"I should get some sleep." Donna says as she wipes some tears  
  
"I'll be right here." Cameron kisses the skin on Donna's shoulder. After that, Donna goes to the bathroom to wash her face and as she comes to bed, Cameron is awaiting with no shirt, just her bra. One time when she got a cold, Cameron used to cuddle her wearing nothing but her bra and undies so she could be as warm to Donna's body as some blanket. Safe to say that Cameron got sick a week after. It was winter. _You can still get a cold in Cali_ Donna would say to her as grabbing medication to Cam.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things take a really different tone. i did.not. see that coming.

 

**VI - Let me see you through**

**Cause I've seen the dark side too**

  
She smiles at the sight of Cameron and lays down as a little spoon when Cam kisses her cheek then holds her from behind.    
  
"Do you remember when we were deciding our married name and you said that my option was stupid?" Cameron smiles at the memory   
  
"Of course I do." Donna grips Cameron's left arm against her body, loving the sensation.   
  
"You said: Howe-Emerson sound-"   
  
"Sounded like: How, Emerson?" Donna says it with a mocking tone, copying the one she used when they were deciding and turns in the bed just to laugh staring at Cameron's laugh "We would never take ourselves seriously." She stills laughs.   
  
"Well, I'm glad we are Emerson-Howe. The girls would be insufferable with that joke."   
  
"They would." It's Donna's turn to track Cameron's cheekbones. “It’s such a terrible joke.”

 

They stay like that for a while. Just admiring each other. Lying there. Enjoying each second they have around one another. The sky is insane out there. Maybe the tornado will happen and destroy everything. Maybe it won't. Donna takes a deep breath each time she hears the wind or a thunder.   
  
"I never told you about one trip that I had back in the late 80's." Donna rushes her hand through Cam's hair over and over.   
  
"Where did you go?" Cameron puts her right hand under her own face and lets 's herself be adored by Donna.   
  
"It wasn't really a place." Donna laughs shyly   
  
"What do you mean?" Cameron furrows her brow in confusion immediately, her free hand travel to Donna's waistline, finding a home there.   
  
"Remember when Diane offered us her place in Sonoma for the weekend so we could figure out our problems?"   
  
"I do. I should've been there." Cameron caresses Donna's waist   
  
"I took mushrooms with Diane's daughter that day." A grin spreads Donna's face   
  
"You what?" Cameron almost yells in disbelief "Now I really wish I was there to see it."   
  
"You were. In my head.” she pauses, “Diane’s yard was so painfully green. I was surrounded by thoughts of you." Both their faces are more serious now. Cameron's waiting for Donna to say what happened and Donna is waiting for the courage to continue. "I laid on the grass and you were there. Disheveled blonde hair, green coat and all. That was the night you left home, wasn't it?"   
  
"Yeah. I guess it was." Cameron hates that memory. Hates what happened to make her leave. Hates that it was the first time she left without saying goodbye. Hates that it wasn't the last. “What did we talk about?”

 

“About how much we hated that situation I put us in.” Donna closes her eyes now trying to remember everything they said. Things that were never real but maybe it should have been. She doesn’t know. “I said that I didn’t feel like lying at the time. I just...Jumped right into it never thinking I’d get hurt, or that it would hurt us like it did.” her eyes are burning with tears from the past, tears she shouldn’t cry anymore.

 

“We’re way past that.” Cameron has a lump in her throat. Maybe she wishes it was real so they wouldn’t have spent years and years apart. She’d never hurt Donna. Nothing would have happened as it did and just  _ maybe _ they would have kissed and make up sooner.

 

“You said something that I’ll never forget. Even if it wasn’t true.” Cameron doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t ask what was it. She just waits. They have all the time in the world. “You said: How many times do I have to tell you that I can’t do this without you.” Donna smiles with that high memory and sees a single tear leaving Cameron’s eyes. “I said I was sorry and when you forgave me, you vanished. I...I wanted to go back home and t-”

 

Cameron kisses her like the storm Donna dreamt was real and it would sweep them off. As if it would destroy everything they’ve built and everything they want to build. The kiss was deep and emotional, they feel each other’s heartbeat remembering themselves they’re here and that they’re still flesh and bone. That perhaps the world would end like Donna envisioned but their love won’t. 

 

“I really cannot do this without you, Donna.” their face inches apart as she recites those words Donna smiles so big that for a whole second Cameron thinks that it might have been such a bright grin that it slowed down the tornado that was forming outside. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

 

“Hey, you anchor me, too.” Donna says it just so simple. Like when they were apart she wouldn’t hear Cameron saying that last sentence to her. As if she wouldn’t remember how it felt like. It was the moment that kept her thinking they’d be alright one day. She meant every consonant and vowel that makes that sentence, just like she knows Cam did when she said it. Cameron heart pounds inside her chest because she remembers everything. She remembers Tom saying it to her and how she took it at first, trying to fight against the fact that it was true. How she felt saying it to Donna and watching her reaction. Both of them can agree that they’ve come a long way. Maybe that weekend with mushrooms at Diane’s would have fixed everything, maybe mutiny would still be there, but would they still be here? That’s an impossible question with an impossible answer. They will never know about the “what ifs” but they know the consequences very well.

 

When they both drift to an intense sleep, the tornado turns into a soft rain. The last thing that any meteorologists would think. They said it would probably destroy a great part of Los Angeles and that everyone should just flee as soon as they could. But they didn’t. Just like it didn’t destroy the city. That’s the crazy thing about Donna’s nightmare, where she lost everyone. Nothing survived the storm but the reality shows the opposite. Donna has been through that storm before. It did destroy everything she loved. It took a few people away but she wasn’t the only survivor. She made it through. Cameron did it too. They thought they were done for life. That the storm took everything. Cam woke up a few times, after dressing up she would roam around the house for a bit, hoping Donna wouldn’t wake up to an empty bed. She’d look at the sky, eat some leftovers and go by Haley’s bedroom to check up on her, see if she was okay if Joanie had called and how things were on the other side of the world and to say that Donna was doing fine and sleeping like a rock. They wake up in each other's arms as the sun shines shyly out there. The street is a little bit soaked but nothing’s gone. The first thing Donna does when she wakes up is to stare at Cam, she wakes her up softly just to make sure it’s true. As Cameron’s eyes flew opens they both smile a  _ we-made-it _ - _ smile _ and stare at the sky through their window. Just like LA survived the storm, they did it too.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea if i should upload this one bc i feel like it was already finished but i just.............love them. and also bc i feel like a captured cam's personality better during this chapter. i dont even know if ppl are readin this but anyway i like talking to myself i guess.

**VII - You Know You’re Right**

 

It was an untypical thursday evening at Symphonic’s office. Every worker was sitting tensely on their chairs, trying their best to do their jobs. Too bad they didn’t know what to do and which order they should follow. It felt like the room was split and the walls were creaking at every breath each of them would take. The board meeting was taking place through some door next to the main room. They could hear their boss voice in the distance. Some things were good and some others were just...not what _someone_ wanted.

 

“So what you’ll just put it aside?” Cameron stands up from the chair she was previously griping both hands to.

 

“No, Cameron, I won’t. We just cannot develop this game right now. Phoenix doesn’t have enough memory for an RPG game.” Donna says trying to sound as calm as she possibly can and crosses her arms over her chest trying to hide how worried she is. Everything they have been talking about in the past few hours feels _wrong._

 

“That’s _not_ the issue. I _know_ you can find a way to make Phoenix able to run the game perfectly. You’re just being a c-” at that, Donna cuts off. She already had enough.

 

“If it isn’t too much to ask, I would like to be left alone with Ms. Howe. Please.” Donna gestures to the rest of her co-works and smiles politely.

 

As they leave, the room feels heavier. Everything that was stopping a storm from happening has just closed the door. They stare intensely at each other, letting themselves feel the electricity that radiates from each other. Both of them are painfully aware of what could happen.

 

“What exactly am I being, Cameron?” Donna tilts her head and shots a piercing stare at the woman in front of her.

 

“A coward. You’re too scared of what people may think of _Forest_ .” she stands her ground fiercely. Obviously not slightly scared of her _boss_.

 

“Yes. I am.” and at that Cameron scoffs, shakes her head and walks as far away as she can. “Cameron, we are already doing so much. We’re light years further from any rival. You know it.” Donna rests her body on the main table. Letting the gap between her and Cameron last for a few more minutes.

 

“An interface and an OS that is able to _talk_ isn’t that innovative, Donna. Virtual reality is.”  Cameron says it with various flashbacks creeping in her head. _Not again,_ she thinks to herself.

 

“And you don’t think that I know that?” Donna finds her way back at Cam’s body and sits near her figure. “You’re smart enough to know that it is so ahead of our time that we don’t know how people would feel about it. We will work on it. I promise you.” she tries to touch her hand but she can’t find Cameron’s skin.

 

“NO!” Cameron gets up, putting another wall between them. “You’re not going to do it again. You won’t kill my idea, you don’t get to pull me apart and then destroy _my_ company!” Cameron snaps before realizing what came from her mouth. Too caught up in her own head.

 

Donna is silent. Not believing in what she just heard. “I don’t know If we’re talking about the same thing.” she crosses her arms. “But this isn’t your company. This isn’t your idea. It’s mine. And you’ll do exactly what I want because in this building, Cameron, I’m your boss.” Donna is cold. Not blinking her eyes, not breaking her stare.

 

“Then I will do it myself.” Cameron prepares herself to leave the room. Just as she had her hand going go the door knob, she feels a known hand grabbing her right arm by behind.

 

“You’re not going to be a child about this.” Donna keeps grabbing Cameron’s arm.

 

“You’re not the boss of me, Donna.” she moves her body towards Donna. Their faces inches apart. She sees Donna’s eyes starting to fall to her lips and then moving up, staring at Cameron’s eyes again.

 

“I know that that’s what you do when you feel threatened but I want to change the music just like you do. And I wanna do it with you.”

 

“Well, I’m not so sure about it.” Cameron frees her arm from Donna’s hold and closes the door behind her with a thud.

———

Donna comes back home and stops herself as she sees that the airstream has its light on. _Cameron can be so predictable sometimes._ She enters her own house and takes a look at the silent and tidy room. Cameron’s shoes aren’t overspread around the floor, her coat isn’t laying on the sofa’s arm rest. It feels weird. She sits back on her couch, drops her purse there and stares blankly. She tries to keep her pride for as long as she can. She tries to sit still and wait for Cameron to crawl back inside in the middle of the night. But she doesn’t want to wait for it to happen. She doesn’t want to wait too long and wake up with the back of her house empty and missing a silver airstream. She doesn’t want to wait so she won’t.

 

So she moves. Leaving the house the same way she came in. Didn’t change her clothes. The only thing different is that now, her hair is freed from a bun that she was using during the board meeting. She finds herself standing at Cameron’s door. She knocks.

 

“Cam.” she pauses waiting for some response. “Cameron.” knocks three times, creating a rhythm. “Cameron, we need to talk.”

 

Cameron opens the door wearing a simple white tee with some holes in it and she’s chewing something. By the sound of it, some cereals. She swallows.

 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” she starts, still holding the door. “We want different things. We always have.” she looks at Donna with a blank stare like the life inside of her had just disappeared.

 

“Won’t you let me go inside?” she says with a soft smile and naive eyes.

 

“Whatever.” Cameron says rolling her eyes and getting out of Donna’s way.

 

Donna walks in but doesn’t really know where to stand. It’s not a very welcoming place. It still has a few pieces of furniture that Joanie didn’t take to France and some old posters that Cameron had when she lived here. She decides to stay in the kitchen area and as close to Cam as possible.

 

“You don’t get to walk away from me like that again, Cam. Not after everything.” She decides to pour her heart out instead of being all business since they are home or _near_ home.

 

“ _You_ are the one who doesn’t get to turn you back from me. You’re throwing my ideas away, you’re not being a co-worker.” Cameron puts the empty and dirty bowl that she was using before Donna’s arrival down the kitchen sink, and turns to face Donna.

 

“What do you mean?” she furrows her brow like everything that Cameron had just said was _so_ far from the truth.

 

“You’re sitting behind that desk and thinking like a middleman. You’re distant. From everyone.”

 

“Cameron, someone has to do it. I run the company, I make everything possible. There are days that I just can’t-”

 

“Be a real person? Yeah, I know.” she cuts off, sounding as angry as she had earlier and walks away from an offended Donna.

 

“If you wanna be a dick about it, okay. But eventually it will have to end, you know.” she walks toward Cameron not knowing if she should leave or not. “I’m doing _everything_ that I can but I cannot make everyone happy.”

 

“Apparently, not even your wife.” she shots a deadly stare that shakes up Donna’s inside. The fear of having everything she loves being swept away from her creeps back as a bang in her chest.

 

“We agreed that we wouldn’t treat each other as a significant other at work, it isn’t professional.” Donna fires back.

 

“We also agreed that we wouldn’t talk about work at home but here we are.” it’s her turn to cross her arm. Trying really hard to silence the voices inside her head telling her to let it go because she has too much to lose. But she also knows that she needs it. She needs to have her own ideas turned into something. And...

 

“When you’re not at home, we can talk about work.” Donna has her hands on both sides of her hips, trying to look as powerful as she could. “What is it really about?”

 

She stands up to see Donna face to face. “It’s about everything. It’s about you not being a creative force anymore. It’s about you not being close to the metal and getting your hands dirty. I was promised that you would work _with me_.”

 

“And what you’re not telling me is that this is also about _you_ .” and just now it hits her _why_ Cameron is acting like this. “I won’t throw your idea down the drain. I’m not crazy.”

 

“The problem is, Donna, that I don’t want to see someone else creating the world that I built first and getting all the credits! I’m tired of seeing _my_ world through someone else’s view.” not holding back any range.

 

“And you think that someone from work would just do that? Where is it coming from?” Cameron hates how calm Donna can sound in moments of tension. She hates that it makes herself be seen as the crazy one.

 

“From experience. I’ve trusted people and they stabbed me in the back.” she pauses just to capture Donna’s reaction. “I think you should go.” and opens the door.

 

“Why are you bringing it up? It was years ago. I have changed and so did you. We decided to build something new ourselves because we embraced who we were and we also let it go.” she says as the door wasn’t open and as if her ears stopped listening after the word “back”.

 

“Maybe because it’s the same thing over and over.” she gestures her hand to the door, showing her _wife_ the way out. But Donna didn’t see it. In fact, she’s only paying attention to Cam’s face.

 

“Oh.” she lifts her brows as if she just discovered something. Her mouth hangs open before she could speak. “You don’t love me anymore... do you?” Donna breaks Cameron's chest. The look on her face, her body language. Her hands are still and almost glued to her thigh, motionless.

 

“God-You can be so manipulative sometimes.”

 

“I’m not being manipulative, I’m just asking a question, Cameron. Do you love me still: yes or no?”

 

Cameron pauses. A much longer stare than she should have taken, then fills her chest. “Of course I love you, Donna.” she puts her hands on Donna’s shoulders. “I’m sorry If I made you question my love for you. It’s just that I-”

 

“I get it. You feel stuck. But I told you what we’re going to do. We’ll develop Forest. But not now.” she doesn’t say it with much confidence but maybe she just doesn’t have it inside her being anymore, she doesn’t have the strength to be anything but broken. For now.

 

“There are things that just can’t wait.”

 

“Damn it, Cameron. We will do it, we already are working on it. What do you want to do? Take it to nintendo? We will work on it tomorrow If you want. We’ll make your world real, it just won’t happen in the next few months and it won’t be on a phone!” she takes a step back from the taller girl.

 

“Donna, it’s n-” her hands reaching Donna but being abruptly stopped by a weak slap that hits her hand.

 

“No, I get it. You want to do it on your own, don’t you?” Donna switches emotions with Cameron and now she’s the angry one.

 

“There’s absolutely NOTHING to do with working on my own.” she gestures with her hands since she can’t hold Donna’s.

 

“I guess it does. You want a success with flying colors. You want the success that _Pilgrim_ didn’t give you. _You_ are the one throwing me under the bus.” she points her index finger at Cameron’s face.

 

“NO, Donna.” she grabs Donna’s hand, putting her pointed finger down. “I wanna do it but I want to develop it with _you_.” she takes a step further.

 

“But you are!”

 

“No, I’m not. I’m doing it with a team while you’re locked inside your office. I don’t need them. I just need you.” she puts her hand on Donna’s cheek and neck. “You and I alone, we can do it.” and finally, she kisses Donna. A well-deserved kiss after the day they had. And _boy,_ did she miss it. And she feels that Donna did too because as soon as their lips brushed, a moan escapes from her mouth. So they kiss for the wasted time, the time they spent arguing and not being honest with each other. As long as their lungs would let them.

 

“Well, I-” Donna says breathlessly “Maybe we should argue once in awhile.” Donna laughs, still holding Cameron and being held by her strong arms.

 

“No. Definitely not. It’s horrible.” She says it with such a hard tone that just the thought of arguing with Donna like that again sends her heart in a race that it can’t win and her mind to despair.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me that sooner?”

 

“I’ve been trying.” she caresses Donna’s cheek. “Or maybe I just wanted to bring my punk back.” they both laugh at it.

 

“Yeah, obviously.”

 

“Got tired of being so cheesy.”

 

“And _that’s_  a hundred percent on me.”

 

“Totally, yeah.” they kiss again, not for so long, just to remind themselves of how good it feels and that they shouldn’t let it go to waste.

 

“Can we go back home now?”

 

“Yes, please. I don’t know how to lay in a bed without you on it.” they let go of each other and walk towards the door.

 

“And she goes back to cheesy.” she laughs and holds Cam’s hands.

 

“Shut up.” she scoffs and closes the door.

 

“But I can’t neither.” Donna says as Cameron puts her left arm around Donna’s neck.

“I love you, okay?” she says as she kisses Donna’s cheek.

 

“I love you too.” they intertwined their fingers and walk towards the house with their hands tied.


	8. Chapter 8

 

**VIII - I'm such a fool for you**

**You got me wrapped around your finger**

 

It’s a quiet Sunday evening at the house. The girls spent almost the whole day by the pool, occasionally leaving it to eat some of the barbecues Cameron was making — or trying to — alongside Donna, but now they were inside, watching The Crow which was obviously Joanie’s choice (Haley lost a bet she doesn’t even remember making in the first place but she quietly accepted, fully knowing how excited her sister was to watch the whole mystery about this _creepy and totally cool movie_ unfold behind her eyes). By now, Donna was wrapped in a towel after swimming one last time before bed while Cam was laying on the grass watching the stars shine above. Donna moves with caution, not to spooky Cam off her deep thought all at once and sits beside her.

“I can hear you thinking.” Donna stares at Cam with such attention and care that would put Galileo Galilei to shame, or at least the guy he stole the idea from, anyway.

Cameron doesn’t blink, doesn’t take a deep breath, she starts “Do you think we'd be together if the IPO never happened?” her eyes search for Donna through the night  
  
“What? Why is that?” It struck Donna like a punch right in her stomach, making her lose all of her strength, her mind is blank, her eyes are blinking nonstop.  
  
Cameron sits up, trying to get closer to Donna, just to give her some sense of connection, maybe. “I wonder if we're together because that’s our way to fix things. Maybe I thought I was stuck and then...it all happened.”  
  
“Cam, are you reconsidering our marriage? Do you want to call it off?” She shivers, her skin breaking in goosebumps — the bad ones — and holds herself up.

“No, Donna. I don't. It's just a...random thought.” Cameron looks at Donna for a while or two, then turns her head up to the sky. _Random_ is an understatement. Something _must_ have happened to make her think about it. She has been awfully quiet for the past hours, totally different from the person that cooked them barbecue, jumped in the pool after pushing Donna first. Who splashed water at Haley, who was sitting near the pool but claimed that didn’t want to get in, not today.

  
“But, yeah, I think we would have ended up making out at Mutiny. Somehow.” Cameron catches her breath and feels the relief corrupt her poisonous mind. Donna continues “I'd still have gotten a divorce, so would you and we'd probably get drunk and confess our feelings for each other after a hard day of work.”

  
Cameron stares and laughs. Her blue eyes are shiny with tears, it looks like a beacon liting up the night. “Yeah...I think so.”

  
Donna takes the chance to sit a bit closer now, their shoulders brushing, she feels Cam’s warmth almost immediately. “I know for a fact you're very curious about a lot of things and that’s one of the things I love about you but when you stare at me like that and ask me these questions you scare the shit out of me, Cam.”

“I didn’t mean to.” she looks down and shrugs.  
  
“It would still be us. In any possibility of life. In any parallel universe, we'd still be together." she caresses Cam's cheek and earlobe and tucks in a strand of her dirty blond hair behind. "We're the constant. It's us. Cameron and Donna.” She pushes Cam closer to her body, her arms grabbing her opposite shoulder, she kisses Cameron’s forehead. “What made you think about that?”

“I don’t know. One thing leads to another, you know me.” she laughs a sad and contained laugh and stares longingly at her partner.

“I know the feeling. But… don’t let it haunt you, okay? Anything you need, just tell me.” she rubs her hand down Cam’s back.

Cameron doesn't answer for a few seconds but when she does, she goes straight to the point

“I was thinking about something else, too.”

“What is it?” Donna squints.

“I wanna build a house with you.”

—

One hour filled with difficult but tender conversations passes by and now Cameron’s picking some vinyls — _too many, actually_ — when Joanie appears behind her, meticulously looking at the older woman’s choices.

“Man, I love _The Idiot.”_ Joanie says with a smirk spreading on her face while holding Iggy Pop’s disc. “Did you know it was inspired by Dostoiévsky’s book? I’d try to pronounce it but my Russian is terrible.” and puts the album down, changing her focus to Cameron.

“What can I say? I learn something new with you every day.” she takes another look at the back cover and frowns “I love it but it doesn’t feel right. I wish we could just handpick some songs from each vinyl from a lot of artists and put them on another vinyl. It’d be so much easier.” she shrugs.

“I don’t know in which decade you’re stuck on but we have tape recorders, you know? Ever heard of walkman? CDs?”

“I know but, man, vinyl is something else.” Cameron exhales and puts her hands on her hips and stares at the shelf filled with rarities.

“You're such an _Old School._  What are you going for anyway?” Joanie stares up and down at the shelf, too.

“I don’t know. What record should I listen while I plan an entire house throughout the night while drinking tea with your mom?” she turns her head to the younger girl.

“What?” the girl is taken aback “We’re moving?”

“No. I mean, I have all this land away from the town _._ It would be more of a getaway from the madness. We’re just planing. Nothing official.”

“Well, luckily for you, My mom and I have The Door’s entire discography here somewhere. Always good for, you know, _trips_ and chill _._ ” she hears Cam’s laugh and takes it as a _go-ahead_ so she starts searching for the vinyls.

“There are so many Bowie’s discs here, I suppose they’re yours, right? Your mom was never a big fan.”

“Yeah, I know. The first one I bought was _Diamond Dogs_. I don’t know, the cover just...reminded me of some stuff.”

“What? It’s a creepy piece. What stuff?” Cameron says with a scared voice and a furrowed brow

“Well, It was 1987, I was almost 11 and I… it’s actually pretty embarrassing.” she stops for a brief second, feeling uncomfortable with the memories but soon enough she realizes that Cameron won’t back off anytime soon, so she continues. “Something about him reminded me of...you.”

Cameron’s jaw moves up and down, she blinks constantly trying to wrap her mind around the new information. _1987._ She had just moved to Tokyo without barely giving a further notice to the girls, if it wasn’t for the encounter at the market, she would have never had meet them before traveling to the other side of the globe.

“I was with dad at a disco store, he went to buy the new Springsteen record and I took a glimpse of Diamond Dogs and it just...Something about Bowie’s eyes is just so daunting and it makes you want to look at. It immediately reminded me of you. And I obviously missed you…” she pauses, “So I asked my dad to buy it and he gave me this strange look. But I didn’t give a shit. And oddly enough, I guess that one week later I received your first letter.”

Cameron opens her mouth wordlessly “Oh, wow.”

“Yeah, I was just so out of myself. I read it while listening to the record. I finished it by the middle of Sweet Thing. But I kept reading it until the vinyl was over. So I obviously thought the record was a way of talking to you, somehow. I felt connected with you through this record. Every time I felt alone or whatever I would put it on. Haley felt a bit left out because she hated that record but who cares about that.”

Cameron shrugs like she has a weight above her tense shoulders and shakes her head

“Joanie...God. You never...you never mentioned. I had no clue.” she holds her stare

“In my head, I didn’t need to. Because I assumed you’d feel that too.” she feels childish for saying such a personal fact out loud, _it sounds so stupid_ , she thinks to herself.

“You know, when I was out there in Japan, I would listen to a shit ton of artists I never heard before just for the sake of it and one night I thought: _Joanie would totally dig Bowie._ ” she taps Joanie’s shoulders and hears the other girl say a _Shut up!_   “No, it’s true. I swear. I also thought that The Smiths would be more of Haley’s thing, she was always a little bit shy with a twist of wildness. And I have my share of tragic stories related to music, too.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s way shorter but since I have it here…” her hand starts moving to find another album “There were days that I just did regret everything. Every possible thing that I did to your mom, specifically. And during those days I would just listen to _Disintegration.”_ and obviously that by the time she said it, her hands found the vinyl, she picked it up like it had the weight of the universe. “I wasn’t a fan when I was here but...I was much angrier when I was here and there I just…”

“Punk wasn’t doing it for you, huh?” Joanie says with a small laugh stuck in her throat.

“Yeah, I guess. But anyway, all of these songs, every single one of them seemed to remind me of Donna. I just didn’t know what to do with myself because while listening I realized that I probably had some romantic feelings towards her and I felt terrible. The first time I heard it I just wanted it to be done, it was so excruciatingly painful but _Homesick..._ I just bursted into tears. I couldn’t deal with it but I’m glad I tried. _”_

“Ouch, Cam.” Cameron nods silently, not saying any more words, just remembering the past and what the future may hold. “I, for one, am glad you two losers found all your courage to let it all go.”

“I am, too.”

“So, did I help you choosing the _right_ vinyl?” Joanie puts her left hand on Cameron’s shoulder

“I have a much smaller but meaningful list. _The Queen Is Dead_ because of Haley, _Diamond Dogs, Disintegration_ and _Morrison Hotel,_ your mom’s favorite.”

“Well, I’m happy I could help.” she awkwardly takes a bow and Cameron returns the bow just as fast.

“Hey, how’s Haley after _that_ movie?” she grabs Joanie by her hand for a sec then let go.

“Totally traumatized by the story.” she gestures

“Who’s traumatized?” Donna arrives from her _way too long_ bath, with her hair still a bit wet, making fast movies throughout strands of her hair.

“No one.” Cameron and Joanie both say at the same time like they had planned for it but the truth is, they’re just a good team, working devilish well together. They watch Donna arch her brow, probably sniffing trouble.

“I’ll leave you two to plan the future. Good night, _moms.”_ at the last word Joanie weakly shoves Cam, who covers her own face and laughs at the girl’s choice of word as the young adult goes to Donna to give her a hug before bed.

 

“What are you laughing at?” Cam says to Donna trying to sound serious but failing to keep the smile out of her face.

“Oh, it’s just...so beautiful to see you with the girls.” Donna says with teary eyes, she sniffs, recomposing herself.

Cameron is caught off guard by Donna’s sudden explosion of feelings, she strokes her own neck. “Well, I...yeah, they’re pretty good kids. Way better than I was at their age. You raised them well, Donna.”

Donna takes a hold of her wife’s hand, “You helped.” Cameron looks away with a shy laugh, almost a scoff, filled with _yeah, right!_ “I mean it. You had a huge impact on their character.” With her thumbs, she rubs Cam’s knuckles.

“Joanie learned how to punch thanks to me. I’m proud of that ‘till this day.” Donna never really understood how Cameron could be so certain of herself most of the time, so proud and stubborn, but during other situations, in different conversations, she would see this totally introspective and doubtful person. But then again, it is Cameron. She can and she _is_ many things, and that never ceases to blow her mind.

“She did, though.” she laughs and strokes Cameron’s chin, forcing the younger woman to look up, facing her directly. “But she learned to stand up for herself. And that was all you. God knows I wasn’t so present. She needed you in ways I could never provide. And Haley...she’s so fierce. So smart. All of her love for coding it came from seeing you, creating your own personal world throughout the night. She’s so passionate about it. I can’t help but think it has so much to do with you.” Both her hands are intertwined, her arms hanging around Cam’s neck. They stroke a light kiss.

“You obviously think too highly of me. They had you and Gordo.” a chill runs Cameron’s spine. Donna gives her this pierce look that shakes her pith. “Ok, I take it. I’m all that and a bag of chips.” Donna throws her head back laughing and Cameron does the obvious, she just stares, mesmerized by the woman in her arms. So graceful, so revolutionary and smart and so, so beautiful. When the laughter dies down a bit, she starts again, “But seriously, I’m glad that I could be that for them If you say that I was. When I was growing up...it was tough, to say the least. Being the only kid and...anyway, it was good to be around them I felt like their big sister.” she stops for a second, inclines her head and frowns. “That sounds gross now, doesn’t it?” Donna nods smiling. “Anyhow, I’m glad I was _so very important_ to them.” She extends the _so_ , giving it all a mockery tone. They look at each other as their foreheads touch. Cameron hands, that a second ago was just resting on Donna’s curves, brings her wife closer and kisses her a soft peck on the lips that escalates quickly. When it ends, she cops Donna’s face and caresses her cheek while Donna strokes Cam’s hair and tucks it in.

“Cam?” she says softly

“Hm?” she rests her head against Donna’s forehead once again.

“We can’t get carried away.”  she pronounces the words in a wicked tone

“Urgh.” Cameron creates some distance between them, “I hate it when you’re right.” They walk in direction to the table that is now filled with paper sheets. Donna sees a few vinyls spread around it.

“Wow,” she says collecting one of them, “I haven’t seen this one in a while.” She holds _Diamond Dogs._ “Joanie?” she inquires.

“Yeah. She told me the whole thing.” she has her arms crossed.

“Oh, that she felt connected to you?” Donna asks away.

“Yeah...I never...expected that.” her left-hand strokes her own chin.

“I guess I always knew.” she pauses, looking at the diversity of records. “When she came home holding it, I just...It felt right, somehow. I don’t know.”

“Now I know that I always had a Bowie vibe.” she holds Donna from behind, puts Donna’s hair aside, making the skin of her neck more visible then she leaves a light kiss there. She hears a soft _Cam…_ coming out from Donna’s mouth. Almost non-audible. She leaves another kiss, a longer one, just for the sake of hearing Donna’s voice in an almost cursed tone. Why not? After that, she gives a slight massage, just to undo the pressure of Donna’s muscles. “We’re not getting carried away tonight.”

“You should convince yourself of that first.” she says holding Cam’s hands.

“We have the rest of our lives to do that.” She grins and unlocks their bodies. “Which one?” she points.

“The one that feels right.” And as she says it, Cameron picks _Disintegration_ . Donna smiles at the choice. They sit side by side and then, they share a look. A look they always had when they were just about to get ahold of something new. When they knew they’d spend the night searching for _the right_ thing. The thing that would set their heart on fire. The thing that bonds then, that makes them forget any bad thing that had ever happened. It would be just the future and this thing they were creating. It was just like this back in the Mutiny’s day, and it is like this now. That’s why they are their very best partners. Their connection may bend, it may fail a few times, but it can never break, it never dies. It’s always like the first time.

“Are you sure?” Cameron asks. Donna stares. They both smile.

 

_Sun goes down_

_Sky turns black_

_I can hardly wait for you_

_I can't believe_

_The madness_

_In everything you do_

_I used to dream in black and white_

_Now I see the world in a different light_

_Your love colors_

_Colors everything_

_Now come in to me_

_Fill me and fill me_

_Show me your colors, baby_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a wrap, people! I didn't want to finish this chapter that's why I didn't upload it sooner but when I was writing the last sentence I swear to any god you believe in that Solsbury Hill started playing and in that moment I knew it was done. Then I wanted to add some more of Haley because I love her so much but I just didn't know how, when that song came in it was the closure. The time was up. It was all perfectly done. I hope you all enjoyed the ride, I know I did. Thank you for reading it!

**Author's Note:**

> So, I decided to create a fic for these two dorks after the finale and I also decided writing something LONG because we're all so fucking THIRSTY, am I right???? So it'll be 3 chapters long I guess.  
> Hope you all enjoy it. And if I make any grammar mistake, I'm sorry, English isn't my native language.  
> If you like it, let's be friends! Find me at http://ananobrain.tumblr.com/
> 
> Hope you enjoy! :)


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